But everything gone wrong at night. He took me out because I wanna settle up my laundry so I asked him for help. I always ask him if I ever bother him or he ever feel I'm such a burden but he says never. I'm glad but sometimes his face is not really convincing, feel a little bit of guilty. He bought me Mcd while waiting for the washes done. He holds me and I embrace him. Embracing him is my favourite part. I feel so damn safe in his arms and feels like I own the world. My kind of date is I don't really want the deeper part. My kind of date is hold our hands so tight till our hands sweating, cuddle each other while watching the sea waving, kissing at the top of the world which a simple and light kiss would do. Kind of date that you just need someone to talk to, someone who never get bored of you no matter how much you complaint about the weather no matter how you stressing the day. Kind of date that you have someone to listen to a good songs to. Kind of date that you have someone to tell story to from the book that you've read. Kind of date that you want someone to have a late night walk with and realize that you find yourself whenever you are together and never planned to lose them. Hoping them will be by your side till forever. 

I love this quote. It fits my whole messing and missing word in my head. And it reminds me of the You're My Waterloo music video by The Libertines. Dear you, wanna know the truth ? The truth is I always and will love you no matter what. No matter how complicated it is, I still want you. Remember ? About the instagram feed, I really have no idea what it is but there are a few possibilities and for real I never lie but if only you understand. The instagram has this kind of thing, we liked what our friends photos. No matter how bad the photo is but for the sake of our friend we liked. Same goes to what you did on wechat. Nothing to do with anyone. Second, I liked some photos when the photo is not fully loaded which means it is your friend's photo and due to the low speed of the internet but you still on instagram you just liked that photo without knowing what the photo is about. Yes, I don't have any other guy on this planet for God's sake ! I never want anyone in my past to come back except for my Grandma. Long lost Grandma. She died at a young age. I never had one and I wish I had one. And that's the instagram-kind of thing. Really, I don't wanna know what they are doing because I'm here living with happy. Never go back to that world, never and I won't.

I don't know how to tell you this but I am perfectly sure that I never lie to you. There, I could see you sighing over what I just say,  don't you ? It's all right. But at least let me tell you something. Why I always shut whenever we fight ? Because I always wanted to fix the situation and tell the truth but I don't know how to stack up the words because there are too much of truth. I know if I say with the wrong order you'll think that I'm just picking up words and simply say like that because you're not a fool, right ? So I'm not a fool too. I shut myself to give a way for you to say whatever you want and whatever you ever think of me. I shut because I'm innocent. I don't win in words battle. I never win in anything. I'm not mad, I never to the man I love. Never wanna hurt you. You know why I don't feel comfortable if you ever go deeper ? Because I've made promises that I'll never break to my mom and your mom and to God. I know you think this is insane and doesn't make sense to you but this is the truth. I've seen many people do bad things I just don't want to do the same. What my mom, your mom and God think of me ? How about their feelings ? Don't they will hurt ? Yes they will if they see their very best daughter done the same thing as the other so what's so special about me then. Nothing. And once again it doesn't make any sense to you. I know :( We had so much and that's the problem. We are different. I tried so hard to make the differences even but it don't go well. Yet. Sometimes I just want to disappear so I wouldn't hurt anyone for a misunderstanding.

Zul, I always wanna love you. I always be. Even how much you think bad of me I just don't care. I never be so happy like this before, I never feel like totally I have a real man. In my past, they just used me. I was a fool back then. But one thing, I never lie this, I don't have any other guy out there. I only have you. You're the only lover I have. You're my Waterloo and I'll be your Stanley Park. I know now you've already hate me. I don't know, I'm a mess :( I don't understand myself. By the time we talked on the phone, I just cried that's all I could do from the start I called you at that night just to cry even we were not in love at that time but why I chose you ? You should have the answer. I just want to see you now and hug you and look you in the eye let them speak. That's all I ask for. I don't have any other way to prove to you because you never believe me. For a girl, the greater the pain is the deeper the love goes. I am feeling that. That's why I said you will never know how much I love you, Zul. 

I love you.

Goodnight :')